Trump's Impeachment Lawyers Quit?!

(And More POLITICS News)

Quick impeachment update. Five of Trump's attorneys have just resigned because they wouldn't agree to Trump's trial strategy of claiming the election was stolen. Poor Trump. Looks like the only options left are Saul Goodman and Lionel Hutz.

In obese Florida senior citizen news, Donald Trump is getting trolled by plane banners in the sky that say things like "You Pathetic Loser", "Worst President Ever", and "Go Back to Moscow". It was the most painful thing he'd ever seen in the sky besides every time he looked directly into a solar eclipse. He immediately called Don Jr and said "Find out how I can get on sky Twitter".

I guess elections really do have consequences, because reports say Mike Pence is "homeless" and currently couch-surfing between his Indiana politician friends' places. It's especially awkward because several of them have been eyeing "Mother" since his city council days. But the silver lining is that Pence has accidentally stumbled onto a solution for homelessness-- all politician's homes in Indiana can now be used as transient shelters. Problem solved!

President Biden is resuming efforts to put 19th century abolitionist leader Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill. Biden said "Harriet Tubman has always had a special place in my heart due to my love of railroads. That's what she's known for, right? Underground choo-choo trains?"

Finally, with Republican Congresswomen Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene carrying weapons in the Capitol and encouraging violence, Nancy Pelosi has had enough, saying "The enemy is within the house". I think I've seen this movie. Luckily, if Nancy keeps her wits about her and avoids fooling around with her boyfriend, she'll survive until the end-- and possibly be in the sequel.