Trump Ditched NYE Party, Supporters Left with Rudy and Vanilla Ice?
(And More Politics News)
Well, the Georgia Senate Runoffs are over, and the democrats won. And so, just as the movie Independence Day predicted, the unstoppable team-up of a cool black guy and the geeky Jewish guy has once again saved the day, and America.
In democracy news, a leaked audio tape shows Trump acting like a mob boss, pressuring the Georgia Sec of State to "find votes" and "recalculate" the election results in his favor. I guess Georgia can now change their nickname to the "Im-PEACH" State.
Did you guys catch this? Trump was so ashamed of his election loss that he ditched his own New Years party, leaving guests who paid thousands of dollars a ticket to party maskless with Rudy Giuliani and Vanilla Ice. In their defense, for people who love Trump, that probably sounds like a great time. I mean, with all that coronavirus in the air, Vanilla could literally play that funky music til they died. Apparently Vanilla liked Rudy's dripping hair dye so much, they're forming a new duo act called "Vanilla Extract".
In case you missed it, the day after Congress failed to pass $2,000 stimulus checks, the homes of both Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi were vandalized. From what I've heard, they struck a surprise truce and got together to clean each other's doorways, in what's being called the year's most unlikely romance.
In festival-of-lights news, Massachusetts Republican Tom Mountain tested positive for Coronavirus after attending a maskless White House Hanukkah party, and says he's now "paying the price". Looks like that "price" is the cough that lasts 8 nights.
Here's something pathetic. Congressman Louie Gohmert tried to file an election lawsuit but his lawyers said they had trouble with Microsoft Word and "incompatible software versions". Uh, I think you've got a bigger problem, Louie-- your entire case is incompatible with reality. I just find it hard to believe these lawyers were stumped by copy-paste when their entire lawsuit seems to be plagiarized from "Mein Kampf."
Finally, a Michael Cohen interview is sparking questions after he made new friends in prison named "Tony Meatballs and Big Minty". When Trump heard about it he immediately pardoned them so they can be his science advisors.