Trump: Cerebral Events, Soldiers = Losers

TRANSCRIPT:

Suddenly everyone seems to have a pile of Trump secrets. There's a new book by a New York Times reporter that says Trump's 2019 emergency visit to Walter Reed hospital was for a "cerebral event". The doctors were understandably concerned because it was the first time Trump has ever had a "cerebral" anything.

We all know the President only hires the best people. Trump's newest pandemic advisor Scott Atlas is pushing the controversial "herd immunity" strategy. Of course for a Trump supporter, "herd immunity" just means calling everyone "sheep".

It's tough being a Trump supporter. Four boats sank during a boat parade Trump rally in Texas. When told of the news, Trump actually looked happy. Turns out he was proud he'd correctly identified the picture of the boat on the memo.

The election must be really be weighing on the president. According to a new poll, Biden has taken the lead in Texas. Now all he has to do is hold 'em.

Biden's getting support from surprising places. The cast of "The Princess Bride" is doing a virtual table read to defeat Trump in Wisconsin. I've got a tagline for ya-- "Trump winning the Badger State? It's inconceivable!"

But the president's biggest opponent, as always, is himself. Multiple sources confirmed this week that Trump called our fallen war heroes "losers". Many found it despicable, but you just have to realize-- Trump has always loved losers. He's like a toddler on "opposite day"-- he calls heroes losers and losers heroes. I have a feeling Trump's gonna be a real hero on Nov 4.