Trump Banned from Twitter!

(And Other SOCIAL MEDIA News)

In Congress, the house of representatives has introduced articles of impeachment for Trump's incitement of the violent mob. It's huge news. Let's see what Trump said in reply: (crickets).

Yes, Trump was permanently banned from Twitter. He made several attempts to circumvent the ban by posting on other accounts, which were quickly deleted, in what some described as a game of "presidential whack-a-mole". Man, I wish there was a real Presidential whack-a-mole game. You know, if Trump ever runs low on money, he could set up a whole Trump carnival where you can dunk him, guess his weight, or throw chicken nuggets at his mouth.

Trump can't keep a social media account to save his life these days. Even Shopify, Spotify, Snapchat, and Pinterest have suspended him. But I don't know, does he really care about any of those platforms? If you really wanna hit him where it hurts-- ban him from Ivanka's OnlyFans.

Actress Lucy Lawless slammed Kevin Sorbo for calling Capitol insurrectionists patriots", tweeting "[No], they are your flying monkeys, homegrown-terrorist QAnon ... douchebags that go out and do the evil bidding of people like you..." Damn, Xena Warrior Princess just kicked Evil Hercules' ass! Oh, I'm getting an update: she's changing her name to Lucy Law-ful.

Finally, a video has gone viral showing a guy eagerly licking a dirty boot on a train. It's either the grossest thing I've seen in a long, long time, or a spot-on impression of Ted Cruz having lunch with Trump.