Here's something cool. China has announced an upcoming space mission to collect rocks from the moon. Asked why, China said: "We're super low on rocks, bro. We used 'em all up on that great freaking wall!"
In Taiwan, a teen was woken from a two-month coma by the words "chicken fillet". He said "Chick Fil-A?" and they replied "no, Chick-EN fillet". He said "Pass" and fell back into a coma.
In Canada, citizens are being warned not to let moose lick their cars. It's a lesson for us all: the plural of moose is not meese.
This is scary. In Asia, the China/India border skirmishes have escalated, and a new report says Beijing is using a secret "microwave" pulse weapon to repel Indian soldiers. Many are concerned it could be a breach of the Geneva Conventions, but the Chinese army claims they never went above the "popcorn" setting.
Here's something weird. In Australia, a man was arrested for masturbating with an electric toothbrush in a graveyard. My view is, give the guy a break… people grieve in different ways. Truth be told, I'm just glad a kangaroo was not involved. Oh, I'm getting an update: he says he was just trying to clean his didgeridoo down under.
In South Africa, researchers have discovered that killer whales are attacking great white sharks and ripping out their livers. Or so they thought. My team did some investigation and found it was actually a film crew shooting a scene for the upcoming movie "Sharknado 7: Revenge of Shamu".
Finally, the Vatican is launching an inquiry into the pope "Liking" a picture of an instagram model’s butt, saying it must be a software glitch. Yeah, maybe. Or, it could be a sign the Pope's hardware is finally working right.
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