Tesla Beta Testing Begins for Full Self-Driving?

(Plus More TECHNOLOGY NEWS)

Great news from the cosmos: the International Space Station has finally fixed an air leak by using a drifting, weightless tea bag to pinpoint the source of the rupture. Guess who the hero was who came up with the plan? Astronaut Earl Grey.

NASA says our three astronauts on the ISS are returning home after waiting out most of the pandemic in space. By "most of the pandemic", I assume they mean "the beginning of the pandemic", right? What, do they only get Fox News in Space? Anyway, I'm glad they didn't get sick up there, because in space, no one can hear you sneeze.

One more story from space: NASA and Nokia have announced plans to build a 4G LTE lunar network. And so the race is on, to officially be the first person to watch porn on the moon.

Down on earth, Elon Musk is finally rolling out beta-testing of Tesla’s "full self-driving" mode. Still no update on the beta launch of Elon Musks' "imitate human" mode.

For most Americans, internet service is expensive and terrible. Well, a couple in Switzerland decided to name their daughter after their ISP, and they'll now receive free internet for 18 years. Which is why I'm going to name my firstborn kid "Comcast Viacom TimeWarner Cox, Jr." Has a nice ring to it, right?

Watch out Facebook, there's a new kid on the block called MyMilitia, no joke. It's a social network where right-wing extremists can bond over guns and 'Merica. And for gun-toting lesbians, there's a new site for you as well: MyMilitiaEthridge.

Bonus Story: The famous Macy's in New York City has laid off Santa Claus, ending a 160-year tradition of St Nick greeting kids there. It's sad, but it does set up the highly-anticipated sequel "Disaster on 34th Street." Experts say, in order to survive, Santa will have to apply for candy cane stamps.