Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost Tied the Knot?

(And More ENTERTAINMENT News Jokes)

Film and TV stars Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost got married in a private wedding ceremony. Psst, ScarJo, I know you like dudes with 'coifed hair who do topical news jokes. I'm just saying, if it doesn't work out with Colin, and you want a real man… I know several I can introduce you to.

Getting jacked can be dangerous. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson accidentally cut himself in the gym, and then posted a video where he tastes his own blood. Hey, at least we now know the secret of why he doesn't seem to age.

In Brooklyn, actor Paul Rudd came out to give cookies to voters waiting in line. What a f#%&ng asshole. Oh, I'm getting an update: turns out he's studying for his next movie role, Aunt-Man.

Trans activist Jessica Yaniv, also known as the "wax my balls" woman (I'm not making that up), is suing a beauty pageant for not allowing her to compete. According to legal experts, she plans to identify as the plaintiff.

Finally, on a somber note, legendary James Bond actor Sean Connery has died at the age of 90. Fans everywhere are saying "May he resht in peash". According to his will, his body will be cremated and the ashes shaken, not stirred.