Rudy Giuliani Rips Huge Fart During Hearing?!

(And More POLITICS News)

Listen up, ganja fans. Congress' House of Representatives has passed a historic bill to decriminalize marijuana. It probably won't get through the Senate however, so the only sensible thing to do is roll it into the fattest blunt in Washington D.C.

In why-can't-he-still-be-president news, Barack Obama said that "snappy" slogans such as "defund the police" can alienate people, making it harder to get the changes you want. He later added "Hope!" and "Yes We Can!"

Here's something gross. Rudy Giuliani, who now has coronavirus, ripped a massive fart during the Michigan election fraud hearing, see for yourself. It was the 19th most disgusting thing Rudy did last week. And most of the Republicans in the room weren't wearing masks-- yikes!

This is cool. A clean-up crew in the Baltic Sea has uncovered a lost Nazi "Enigma" machine that was used for encrypted communication. Oh, I've got breaking news: the White House has seized the device so Stephen Miller can use it to write Trump's final speeches.

In narcotics news, Colombia's government is considering legalising the cocaine industry to reduce crime. Productivity is expected to increase six billion percent. In a related story, Don Jr. has fled to Colombia.

Finally, the US Department of Transportation told airlines that from now on, only dogs will qualify as service animals, because passengers who insisted on bringing horses, pigs, peacocks and turkeys for psychological reasons "eroded the public trust in legitimate service animals". Great, now what am I supposed to do with my emotional support tarantula? Apparently they decided to change the policy after Sam Jackson stormed in and said he'd finally had enough of those goddamn snakes on them motherf*ckin' planes.