Poop Startup Charged with $60 Million Fraud Scheme?

(And More CRAZY News Stories)

Here's something weird. In San Francisco, a startup company that tests your poop sample has been charged with a $60M fraud scheme. Apparently the tests were supposed to check for 30 different chemical signatures and biomarkers, but instead they just mailed back a postcard that said "Yes, that was poop". One thing's for sure: with the company going out of business, they will be in far less deep shit than usual.

In Thailand, a morbidly obese monkey nicknamed "Godzilla" has been sent to a fat camp after ballooning to twice its size. Hold on, how did you guys have a giant monkey and not name it King Kong? Anyway, my team did some research and found out they are currently training another monkey named "Mothra" to scare Godzilla back to fighting weight.

In Toronto, a beaver walked into a subway station, requiring officials to close it down. Officials followed standard procedure, which means they couldn't open the station until the beaver learned to say "sorry".

Here's something alarming. Several National Guardsmen were held at gunpoint by a guy who wanted the Covid vaccines they were carrying. Now why does that guy look familiar? Oh yeah, he looks just like foxhole Saddam Hussein. And modern-day Mel Gibson.

In Hermit Kingdom news, North Korea continues to build up its military, and recently fired two missiles into the sea. Oh, I'm getting an update: a seriously pissed off Tuna just destroyed their entire navy.

Finally, in Spain, the Parliament has passed a law legalizing assisted suicide. Although it was pretty easy to do before the law, they just called it "the running of the bulls".