Matt Gaetz Did Ecstasy at Orgies?

(And Other MATT GAETZ SEX SCANDAL News)

Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know that Congressman Matt Gaetz is embroiled in a scandal about an FBI investigation over a sugar-daddy relationship where he paid an underage woman for sex with Cash App and Apple Pay. Imagine being so pathetic, you're a famous congressman and you STILL have to pay to get laid. Oh, this just in: Gaetz says he plans to retire and be a Beatles cover singer. ("Well she was just 17! You know what I mean?")

Get this. Reports say Matt Gaetz participated in orgies while taking ecstasy, which is especially ironic after he ridiculed Hunter Biden's drug use. See, it's not his fault guys, he was born to be a sleaze-- it's in his MDMA. My sources say Marjorie Taylor Greene has been avoiding Gaetz for not inviting her to the orgies.

In case you still aren't tired of news about Matt Gaetz, more allegations say the Congressman showed nude pics of sex partners to fellow lawmakers on the house floor. After learning the nude pictures were of women, a disgusted Lindsey Graham said "Oh my heavens! He must resign".

Finally, Matt Gaetz is apparently so hated by his Republican colleagues that nobody is rushing to defend him, and many were excitedly waiting for this scandal to break. It's not a good look for the party. A spokesman for the GOP said "Republicans strongly condemn this lewd, lascivious behavior...unless of course he decides to run for president, in which case, you go, dawg!"