Kim Kardashian Failed the Bar Exam?

(And Other U.S. News)

In Trump crime family news, the indictment is moving forward with a grand jury. When Trump heard that he said "That's right, it's the grandest, hugest, most beautiful jury in the history of juries."

Quick QAnon update: the latest conspiracy theory is that UFO footage seen in the news lately is fake, and meant to distract us from voter fraud. So let me get this straight, they think UFOs are fake? They've gone so down the rabbit hole of conspiracies, they're back to... the truth?

In old white guy news, Trump and Newt Gingrich are working on MAGA-based "contract with America". Right…. because if there's anything Trump's known for it's honoring contracts. Oh I've got some breaking news: the entire document is just the sentence "If you agree to vote for us, we agree to destroy America."

Here's something that shouldn't surprise you. Kim Kardashian, who had been studying to be a lawyer, has failed a preliminary bar exam, but plans to try again. Apparently there weren't many questions on plastic surgery and sex tape law, which is really her forte.

Check this out. Researchers at Duke University have created a "smart toilet" that takes photos of your poop before flushing and contacts your doctor if it detects a problem. And if there isn't a problem, it sends them to your ex.

Finally, in breakfast news, Kellogg’s has released a new LGBT cereal called "Together with Pride" with room for kids to write their pronouns on the box. It's ironic because if there's one thing nobody has ever felt when eating a bowl of Fruit Loops or Frosted Flakes, it's pride.