Kanye Says No Fornicating, and More Politics Stories (6 Tik Tok Jokes)

Also: Trump, Ginsburg, Biden

TRANSCRIPT:

Donald Trump continues to divide the country. The president has been saying "if you take the blue states out" of the Coronavirus numbers the United States would be on par with other countries. OK, while we're playing make-believe, if you took the Trump out of Coronavirus, we'd all have our lives back now, and I'd have a pet unicorn.

The election is getting weird. Police in Maine are searching for a woman who is dropping dog turds into Trump supporters' mailboxes. They plan to interrogate her to find out how she's done so much better than Trump's current mail service.

Republicans continue to battle with their ultimate opponent: science. An Oregon state senator who ditched an important climate vote, lost his house in the wildfires. Unfortunately he also voted against the new homeless bill, so... sorry Senator, you're BLEEP outta luck.

Joe Biden is the official presidential pick by a magazine that has never endorsed a candidate before-- Scientific American. In a related story, Trump has been endorsed by Unscientific Redneck Monthly.

Let's not forget our third-party candidates. A source in Kanye West's presidential campaign says he told staff to refrain from fornicating outside of marriage. But if they do, a sex tape is required.

Finally, the big story this week was the death of Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg. Trump said he'll replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg with a female nominee. Woah woah woah, I thought we all agreed not to do any more gender reveals?