Halloween Cancelled? NYC Exodus? Let's Talk About Coronavirus! (4 News Jokes)

TRANSCRIPT:

The holiday season is just around the corner. Due to the pandemic, LA County has prohibited trick-or-treating and Halloween parties this October. Still allowed however, is TP'ing random houses in your neighborhood. Now if any of you punks toilet paper my house, I will thank you profusely. Daddy needs TP bad.

Major cities are changing due to the virus. Manhattan apartment vacancies have hit a record, as people are scrambling to move elsewhere. I guess they finally realized, if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. They're even renaming Times Square to Sometimes Square.

One silver lining on the whole pandemic is, you find out how dumb people are. A church leader in Ukraine who blamed gay people for coronavirus is now COVID-positive. Asked if that has changed his mind, he said "Yes, I now see the error of my ways. If you *don't* get coronavirus, you're gay."

I feel sorry for my singer friends. A Swedish study on coronavirus spread says singing "may be the worst thing you can do right now". Even Maria Von Trapp knew that. "When you know the notes to sing... you can SPREAD most anything".