Elon Musk Tweets and Bitcoin Jumped 20%?

(And More CRAZY News)

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard that a bunch of Redditors defeated hedge funds that shorted stock in GameStop, causing the price to skyrocket and the hedge funds to lose billions. The CEO of GameStop responded, "You guys realize this won't help you get a Playstation 5 any faster, right?" Oh, I'm getting an update... the stock price has hit zero.

The financial world is crazy right now. Investors are asking regulators to look into Elon Musk after Bitcoin’s value jumped more than 20% last week when Elon changed his Twitter bio to "#bitcoin". Once he saw how much things grow when he mentions them on Twitter, Elon immediately changed his bio to "#MyPenis".

In electric vehicle news, Tesla has announced their new Model S will automatically shift between park, reverse, and drive, based on what obstacles are around the car. Apparently the inspiration came from watching Elon's erratic behavior on twitter. In a related story, Elon himself will be shifting from human to alien depending on what species he's in the room with.

Here's a fun one. According to a new study, swearing like a sailor may be a sign of intelligence. For example, most people don't know this, but Einstein's famous equation was originally "E = MC goddamn squared, motherfuckers".

In the UK, government officials are backing a plan to give birth control to squirrels. Great, now we have to trust squirrels to have the patience to put on a tiny condom?

Finally, due to supply chain constraints and increased demand for cereal, there is currently a shortage on Grape-Nuts. Oddly enough, farmers are seeing a huge surplus of grapes... and nuts... but neither of those are used in Grape-Nuts. In a related story, several people in my comments section have suggested I try something called "Dee's Nuts". Thanks, I'll check 'em out!