Elon Musk Surpasses Jeff Bezos, Now Richest Person on Earth

(And More CRAZY News Stories)

In air travel news, American Airlines is banning alcohol on flights to and from Washington, DC, as the aviation industry ramps up safety measures following the Capitol riots. Yeah, that's probably the responsible thing to do, I guess. My style would be to give insurrectionists all the free alcohol they want to lure them on the plane, then fly them straight to Guantanamo Bay.

In zoology news, scientists have recently discovered a new breed of half-sized giraffes. Asked what they can tell us about these dwarf giraffes, the scientists said "still tall as f*ck".

Quick update from the billionaire club. Elon Musk has passed Jeff Bezos to become the richest person on Earth. But Bezos doesn't seem worried. Asked to comment, he said "Wait til Elon gets a divorce, then talk to me".

Good news from the Vatican. Pope Francis says he is in line to take the COVID 19 vaccine "soon". Wait, he still hasn't taken it yet? Shouldn't the "connection to God on Earth" be classified as an essential worker? Thanks, Obama.

This is interesting. Google employees have announced the creation of a union, which has never happened before at a major tech company. In a related story, two new smartphone apps came out this week-- Apple Strike and Yahoo Scab.

Finally, in fertility news, many people want a pandemic baby, but some sperm banks are running low, so women are joining unregulated internet forums to find willing donors-- paying top dollar for "college-educated" sperm. OK, well how about sperms that went to DeVry? Asking for a friend.