Dominatrix Made Clients Vote For Biden? Let's Talk About Politics!

(5 News Jokes)

It's the final week of campaigning, and the president is in full nonsense mode. During a speech, Trump claimed if Biden wins, "there will be no heating in the winter, no air conditioning in the summer, and no electricity." Or basically just like his relationship with Melania.

In a stunning display of arrogance, inheritance boy Jared Kushner told "Fox & Friends" that Black people need to "want" to be successful. Right, just like how when they get pulled over for a broken taillight, they have to "want" to keep living.

Besides campaigning, the president has also been focused on his goal of generally being an A-hole. The Trump administration has joined with 32 of the most misogynistic countries in the world, including Saudi Arabia and Uganda, to declare that women have no intrinsic right to abortion. Trump added "excluding my mistresses, of course."

And, to further their goals of hurting poor people for no reason, the White House is fighting in court to block pandemic food aid for low-income Americans. Apparently Trump got this idea from one of his best friends.

Finally, a dominatrix named "Empress Delfina" made headlines because she wouldn't let her clients "finish" until they prove they voted for Biden. Oh, I'm getting an update: every Republican senator has just confessed they voted for Biden. And I'm told the safeword is "Malarkey."