In Florida, a woman named Booze crashed into a Taco Bell sign while driving drunk. She was sentenced to 30 days in jail and has to legally change her name to "Sobriety".
Here's something scary. A group of researchers is calling for regulations on "dream advertising", warning that your Alexa device may soon be used to play ads while you sleep. Hey Alexa... why do I have a craving for Burger King's new hand-breaded chicken sandwich? -"Sweet dreams, Geoff".
In space news, scientists have identified 29 exoplanets that are close enough for aliens to observe Earth if they wanted to. Hey aliens, if you're spying on me right now...please don't tell anyone what I do between 11pm and midnight. That's "Geoff time"!
Finally, in Japan, an emergency crew of rescue divers rushed to save a naked "drowning woman", only to discover it was actually a floating sex doll. Just to be safe, they still gave it mouth to mouth.