Cesar the Dog Whisperer Offers to Help President Biden's Dog Major?

(And More POLITICS News)

Well, it was Daylight Savings last Sunday... So if you live in a red state, remember to set your clocks back to the Jim Crow era.

In White House news, press secretary Jen Psaki says the president's name will not appear on the new Covid relief checks. Instead, just like your grandparents, Joe will send it inside a beautiful handwritten card you won't read, and they'll be scented with Biden's favorite smell -- strange lady's hair.

The President's dog, "Major" Biden, bit someone in the White House and has been sent back to Delaware, prompting Cesar the Dog Whisperer to offer to retrain him. White House staffers are really looking forward to a visit from Cesar, because he'd be the first reality star in the building for years who *doesn't* have the nuclear codes. In the meantime, Biden has already taken Cesar's advice and demoted Major to Corporal.

Get this-- Matthew McConaughey says running for Texas Governor in 2022 is now a "real consideration". Asked if he will campaign with his shirt off, he said "it's a real consideration". And there's already a documentary in the works called "How to Lose a Race in 10 Days."

Here's something ridiculous. Right-wing troll Milo Yiannopoulos now says he is "ex-gay" because of conversion therapy. Looks like someone got banned from Grindr! I was wondering if he's also an "ex-asshole" but it turns out there's no doucehbag conversion therapy.

Finally, in DC, a man snuck into the Air Force One military base and walked around aimlessly for hours, even getting on and off an airplane, before someone noticed him due to what he was wearing on his head-- Mickey Mouse ears. In his defense, he said "Isn't this the line for Splash Mountain?"