California Introduces Bill Legalizing Mushrooms

(And More US News)

In New Orleans, it was the saddest Mardi Gras ever, because the French Quarter was completely empty due to COVID. According to my sources, the only thing going wild was the coronavirus mutation rate, and the only flashing going on was when girls lifted up their masks.

In Boston, a barber injured himself in a freak accident by falling and accidentally stabbing himself with a pair of scissors. Asked if he happened to be running when it happened he said "... how did you know?"

In Florida, two women are in trouble for wearing "grandma" disguises to get vaccinated ahead of schedule. For their punishment, the women won't be allowed to get their second dose of vaccine until they're actual grandmas.

In California, lawmakers have introduced a bill to decriminalize psychedelics. Apparently the bill was written by consulting the world's two most-respected mushroom experts.

In Louisiana, 3 people were killed and 2 injured at a shooting in a gun store. It's a tragedy for sure, but I think there' something we can learn from this: Guns don't kill people. People at a gun store, buying guns, arguing about guns, surrounded by guns, kill people-- with guns. Oh, I'm getting an update: the owner says "Alright, that's it! No more guns allowed in my gun store!"