Andrew Cuomo Signs Bill Legalizing Marijuana in New York!

(And More US News)

Great news, New Yorkers! Governor Andrew Cuomo has signed a law legalizing Marijuana. Now if Cuomo thinks this will get everyone to chill out and forget his corruption... he's probably right! Asked to comment on pot being legal, New York City said "This is great! I can finally sleep".

In White House dog news, Joe's German Shepherd is up to no good again-- he pooped in the White House hallway. Asked for a statement, the dog said "I don't see what the big deal is. Everyone says the White House is where our country does its business."

In Biden family news, Hunter has been dodging questions about a seized laptop, admitting that he did have one stolen, but he doesn't know if the one the FBI has is his. The FBI replied "Well let's narrow it down. This one's filled with porn and covered in cocaine." He said "OK yeah that's mine."

In Vermont, a school district was so desperate for classroom space that students are now attending classes in a Macy's department store. Classes are going well and they've just added several electives, including Remedial Clothes Folding and A.P. Perfume Spraying.

In ride-sharing news, Uber has been ordered to pay $1.1M to a blind woman after she was denied rides more than a dozen times. Asked if she's happy about the settlement, the woman said "Sure! I can now afford a ride home from downtown during surge pricing!"

Finally, vaccine passports are the latest right-wing culture war obsession, and Florida has just banned them in the name of "freedom". Because the founding fathers had a dream, OK sheeple? And that dream was to let curable diseases fester amongst the uneducated.