A Girl Looks Exactly Like Pennywise? Let's Talk About Random New Stories! (4 Jokes)

Remember the Menendez brothers who murdered their parents? An investigation has been launched after authorities discovered that Erik Menendez got weed delivered to himself in prison. When Lyle heard about this, he said "Dammit Erik, I thought we agreed to do everything together!"

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife have donated $100M to local governments for the upcoming election, to solve staffing and technology problems. When asked if this was a secret operation to infiltrate local governments for data mining, Zuckerberg replied "Yes.... sorry, was that not obvious?"

In England, a little girl was left looking like Pennywise the clown after smothering herself in hair removal cream. When asked if she was okay, her offended parents responded, Whoa, whoa, please use her chosen pronoun, "It".

Finally, Recent numbers show that Washington, DC has a skyrocketing divorce rate. Couldn't some of that just be laziness? If George and Kellyanne Conway can keep it together, anybody can. Asked to comment, Melania just said "soon".