As you may have heard, Major League Baseball has moved the All-Star game out of Georgia in retaliation for the new voter suppression law. "This is an absolute travesty!" said everyone on Twitter who literally can't name one current baseball player.
In Kardashian news, authorities have arrested a man who went swimming naked in Kendall Jenner's pool. The nerve of this guy. He found the one way to wreck a story about Kendall Jenner and skinny dipping.
Get this. According to industry experts, sales of Bentleys and Lamborghinis are booming because rich people are bored. (take out my keys) Don't I know it. I just leased a new Mazda! Hey rich folks, if you're really that bored, try donating your money to the #1 Satirical News channel on TikTok. That's worth 10 Ferraris combined.
Here's something cool. Oscar Mayer has a new promotion where they're offering free shoelaces that smell like bacon. If you add shoestring fries, it's part of a complete breakfast. All this does is confirm my theory that the CEO of Oscar Meyer is... a Golden Retriever.
Did you guys catch this? A "Game of Thrones'' musical is headed to Broadway. It's a big win for the producers because it will use a fraction of the usual costume budget for a Broadway show, due to the actors being naked 90% of the time.
Finally, according to new research, men who get Covid-19 have a three times higher risk of erectile dysfunction. Oh I'm getting an update: scientists have created a vaccine for both, called Johnson and Bigger Johnson.
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